Do you agree with this?
I think sometimes I think too much.
Yesterday we got a new dog, and I love her so much. she is the most adorable little love muffin I have ever held (aside from my kids, of course!)
And everything was perfect. Daddy loves her, our LO loves her.
And then this morning, I woke up, and she pooped all over her box, so I had to give her a bath. All this was fun, cute, and comical.
So then, I take her into the bedroom because she is shivering. So, Daddy pulls her close, to keep her warm. And then he turns on his back, and pulls her onto his chest. I laid down, and I looked at her – I wanted to cry.
I was so jealous. How was this little fucking dust bunny taking my place??
I gave up, I played on my phone, and let Daddy sleep.
Then he rolled over, and the pup fell off, so I grabbed her, and pulled her by me.
Seriously, the brat in me wanted to come out. I wanted to whine and bitch – why was she on his chest?
Oh well….. they havr to bond to, and I get that. But why his chest??
I know today has been hard, I wish I could do something to fix all this.
I wish there was something I could do to make all this go away.
I wish I could take care of you this week. I wish I could do everything you do for me.
But I can’t, because that’s not my place.
I wish I could take control of the reigns and pull you in.
I know this is going to be hard – I wish I could find work – something to help us get through.
I wish I could do the things you do sometimes. I wish I could take the stress of life away from you, and wear it on my shoulders.
Some days I want you to use me – take it out on me.
Fuck me, spank me, hold me so tight I cant breath.
I want to be what you need.
But thats just it – I don’t know what you need.
And I know your a strong man – someone who doesn’t say much.
I know it will be hard for you to tell me what you need.
I wish I could read your mind. But I know that’s our down fall – not being able to read each other.
I know your a provider, I know you feel like your useless without going to work and bringing home a check, but your not. Your everything. You are so much more than a provider of money.
You are a provider of everything –
Emotional stability, an amazing father, an amazing Daddy, an amazing everything!!!
I want to pull you close and tell you how much I love you. I want to tell you how much I know we will get through this.
I want to tell you all those things.
But here is what I see happening.
I’m going to get scared. I’m going to get scared because I don’t know how to function when your not in control. But the things is, I will make it through, we both will.
I know the next few days are going to be hard, maybe the next few weeks.
I will cry, get bratty, bitchy, even depressed. But I know even after all the ups and downs, we will make it.
I love you more than anything; and I trust you.
Just tell me what you need, and your Little Girl will be there to do it.
I love you Daddy,
How did I clean? Very fast, and hardly at all lol!!
I started picking up papers in the living room, went into the kitchen, and as soon as I got a few dishes done, I heard Him go to the bathroom.
As fast as I could, I ran into the bedroom, pulled off my dress, dropped panties, and got on my knees on the bed. My ass propped in the air, my face down in the blanket. I waited….
In He came, and came I did.
I love when we get playful – I miss the spanking when things tone down. Sometimes I think i get bratty just for spankings, but when I don’t get them, I get depressed.
Odd, you know?
If I’m a Good Girl I get tied up, and rewarded.
But sometimes I act bratty to get spanked, which is punishment, right?
But if I don’t get spanks, I get depressed.
But if I do get spanks without being bratty,
I wonder what I did wrong, and it makes me depressed.
Seriously, I need to find a better way to get spanks!!!
All bullshit aside – here is my life…
We met in 2009, I was leaving a shitty ass relationship, and He saved me. Yes, SAVED me.
My life was falling apart, and nothing I could do was fixing it.
I was is a relationship I couldn’t fix, and my health was taking more dips then I care to remember.
But then He came along.
The bar was almost empty, but the touch of His hands was like static shock under water.
I saw Him in the mirror, and i felt like my life was about to change. It did…
The courtship was quick, we were living together within weeks.
I strived to do everything I could for Him. Someone once told me I had being s slave down pat. I knew things could always be better for Him; and it was my job to make sure they were.
I remember the first time I questioned myself, and Him. Looking back, I wish I could have spanked myself.
We lived with two friends, and I was doing enough cleaning for both of us, but the female (who, in all aspects, was the alpha in her relationship) told me I needed to have Him get up and start cleaning. I told her no, He was relaxing, and I would take care of it.
That’s when it all started. People didn’t want to see me taking care of Him. The comments came quickly, but I still took my part. I fixed Him supper, ran His shower, and washed His clothes. Why was that so hard to accept?
It all kept going. We finally moved out.
I felt like I was walked into Nirvana the day we were all moved in and unpacked. He left for work, and I stayed home, cleaning, and, doing what ever I wanted. Not because I didn’t have anything else to do, but because I wanted to make sure He came home to a clean house. I wanted Him to come home, and not stress about the house.
So why has it changed?
It used to be in and out of the bedroom, but now, it feels like I’m lucky to get it in the bedroom.
Two nights ago He tied me up – I thought I had gone to heaven. Honestly, I just kept replaying the last 48 hours, “What did I do to get this reward?”
My depression overtakes me at time. This week has been less than great, and I sit here typing this, and looking around the house thinking…
Why are you blogging? Why aren’t you cleaning the house for Him? He will be up soon, and I really want it to look nice for Him… I really just want to be Daddy’s good girl again….